Alone
by darkkixie
Summary: Someone's thinking about the love they lost. KaixRei
1. Alone

Flash of inspiration that couldn't wait until after Golden Phoenix, so it's coming out now, and I may to another chapter, I don't know depends how it goes. Anyway I'm dedicating this to Anime Fan, just because she is so loyal! She's been there from the beginning, right from chapter one of 'Week' and I feel so ashamed for never mentioning her. So here you go, and thank you so much. You're amazing!  
  
Hope you enjoy this  
  
Alone  
  
He lay beneath his sheets, believing in a dream that could not be, that would not be. The sun shown through his windows and down onto his features; setting alight his dying hair and a desperate attempt to re-light his lifeless eyes. His paled skin looked warm and giving for the first time since that unforgiving day that plagued his dreams and memories. No longer did he want it, no longer did he wish to go on.  
  
The slow hesitant creaking of his door signalled the entrance of a trespasser into his sacred space, yet he did not acknowledge them, not having the energy and nor did he want to. He wanted to be alone, as his love had left him. The mattress shifted under the extra weight and his body stiffened under the slow caress of a small hand upon his back. Harshly, he shrugged the hand away and curled further into his cocoon of cotton. He hated it, no one was allowed to touch him; he didn't deserve to be touched.  
  
And yet, he wanted to be held. To have a pair of warm, safe arms wrap around his waist and hold him while a whisper voice spoke loving words into his ear, eliciting a shiver to stroll down his spine. He wanted to ask this figure that lay by his side, but it would mean nothing, he wanted to ask this figure to lie with him, but it would mean nothing, he wanted to be loved by this figure, but it would mean nothing. Everything was nothing unless it was from his love.  
  
He remembered how he had been helped by his love, cared for by his love. How his love would stand tall behind him, their bodies barely touching, but it is enough to loose him in the sensation, and wrap his arms around to cup his hands around his. His words would echo through the room, though all he gave was an airy whisper that left him numb. The ripcord would be pulled loose of the shoot and his blade would race round the dish, mimicking the excitement of his owner.  
  
The grunt that came from the back of his love's throat would excite him further, wondering what it would be like to make him sound that while embraced in his loving hold, he wanted to hear his love groan for him.  
  
The sheets moved up over his face as he felt tears surface and run recklessly down his red raw cheeks. His voice caught in his throat and forced its way to be muffles in between his pursed lips as he tried desperately to hold back the outburst that was willing him to let go. The tears ran down his cheek and down onto the murky pillow below, or into his mouth, the salty droplets stabbing into his soul as rush after rush of painful memories filled his heart. Some feel into his matted and dirtied hair that wrapped round his body, like the arms that he so wanted to be within.  
  
He didn't want to cry, he wanted to smile and laugh as he did when around his love when he fought back with words against his friend, causing him to boil with rage as his love just graced us with his special smirk. He remembered how when he laughed at his love's comments, he would turn towards him and smile shyly, light blush seeping through those markings upon his cheeks. He felt so light and carefree when that smile was given to him and no one else, it had made him feel wanted.  
  
He wanted to look into his red wine depths once more, to watch those emotions that would not usually slip into existence to rush out and explode before him as he would speak encouraging words with his deep and demanding voice that would have him fall before him if he spoke so. The voice that would flow from his delicate pink slits that shone in the light of the morning sun.  
  
They would always share a room, even when it was a double bed they would share and sleep side by side. And he would stay awake, watching his beauty glow in the dark light as the moon would shine to escape the darkness that wanted to hide away such a beautiful creation. He recalled how he would wait until his love had fallen to sleep and then crawl over and lie inches away from him. Breathing in his features, he would let his hand run across his tightly toned chest and perfect arm and finally rest on his calm face where is fingers would slide across his lips before being replaced by his own lightly pressing lips.  
  
Was it wrong to take what was not his when his love was so defenceless, was it wrong to want more and press his lips against his over and over again, night after night? If it was, then he deserved everything he got. For only those consequences could equal the thrill and excitement his body received from the innocent and simple touch that made his body crave for more, but which he would not be allowed.  
  
The hand of the intruder began to stroke his aged hair that lifted above the sheets. He hated it; no one was allowed to do that except the one he wish was there with him. He remembered when his love would grasp his shoulders and lead him over to the dresser within a short but long lasting dance of elegant steps. He would sit down and let his love run his small and fragile fingers through his once long and silky raven hair before working the long reel of white ribbon around it and holding it together as he would hold him together and keep him from loosing sight of the world. like he had now.  
  
It felt so right to have his fingers lost in the dark caverns that was his hair and let them run across his scalp and the back of his tender neck, where he would stiffen as a shiver would once again run through his entire body. Was is really right for his love to go, for it to end so abruptly, would it have hurt anyone, would it have angered anyone? No, so why?  
  
The hand of the intruder disappeared and the weight shifted off the bed, but he did not hear any footsteps but he could feel the intruder's eyes on him, watching him, daring him to move. Just like his love's eyes had while he had been trying to speak his feelings to this one and the world. It had been so hard for him, he couldn't wait any longer and yet, he didn't want to do it anymore. Yet the relief of letting those three words out was short lived as his love just stared back, his emotionless mask now standing firm before him.  
  
He wanted to disappear; he couldn't stand being before such a gaze after speaking out his deepest darkest secret. Yet his hopes rose when those glowing pink slits of his opened to release the words he had only dreamed about. And they stayed dreams, his love only spoke of how he would need to think about it, but how could you think about love, it was either there or it wasn't. and it wasn't.  
  
A week past, a month past, and the tournaments past and it was time to leave and return home. His love knew he was still waiting, but still nothing came, through the couch journey, through waiting at the airport, through boarding the plane, nothing came, and that's where he lost him. To never meet again. His love would never come to meetings, never to training sessions, never to small tournaments and never to come and spend time with his so-called friends and love to be.  
  
He has never seen his love since that day and since then, this bed has been his salvation, hiding him from the world and their pity, hiding him from the rejection he no longer wanted to feel, hiding away the feelings he held deep within him.  
  
The footsteps came and faded away. The door creaked open again and the footsteps returned, leaving the room, leaving him alone and unloved, leaving him to himself. The door closed and he was left by himself again, alone once more as he was everyday. The covers came down and collapsed onto his lap as he sat up and looked out the window as the last rays of light disappeared and brought the cold of the night. He was the day and his love was the night, two forces that could never be together without destroying the world. They could never be together and it hurt to realise that.  
  
He looked around the room through his blood shot slits, slowly; not really caring about what his body was doing. His golden eyes shone with renewed light as they settled on the table next to the bed. Upon the table lay a piece of folded paper. He was hesitant to pick it up, not understanding why it was there and not knowing what it would hold.  
  
His weak shaky hand pulled the piece of paper in front of his golden eyes to allow it to read the note. After reading it, his hands shook further and his eyes watered as he dropped the piece of paper to the floor, shock being all that could hold him together now. He wanted to move but he couldn't, he needed to move but he couldn't. Why was this happening to him?  
  
Suddenly the strength within his aching heart brought him the courage to take those steps he needed to take. The sheets came away and his thin pale legs stumbled to find their way to the floor, but his determination would not let him falter, not now. He rose from his bed, shoulders back, head held high and marched to the door. then stopped.  
  
He couldn't move, he didn't want to, but he wanted to. He was so confused; he didn't know what to do. He jumped back as the door opened with its usual hesitant creak. His golden eyes widened in pure shock at his love standing before him, a smile on his painted face and a gleam in his red wine depths.  
  
He stepped back as his love came forward and stood before him. He continued to step back until his back hit the wall, but his love still came closer and closer, until the breathes distance of their lips was sealed and they held their loving kiss in perfect bliss, arms wrapping around each other, keeping the other warm, safe and wanted.  
  
He was on fire, this kiss was unlike any he'd shared with his love while he slept; it was alive and passionate, lips crushed on lips as they try to show their entire devotion to one another through such a simple act. Their separation was unbearable for him; he didn't want to let him go, not again. They stay in each other's embrace as they enjoy the company of the other.  
  
"Why? Why did you take so long?"  
  
"I was afraid, I didn't know what to do. I was a fool."  
  
"I thought you hated me."  
  
"I don't hate you. I love you, Kitten."  
  
"Oh Kai, I love you too."  
  
  
  
There, if you want me to do one in Kai's pov then say, coz if enough pps want m to I will. Thank you for reading and please review.  
  
Thanks again Anime Fan  
  
Bye de Bye 


	2. Alone 2

Lol, I'm back with Kai's POV, and the last part of Anime Fan's little gift. I hope you enjoy looking into the mind of Kai Hiwatari.  
  
The walk to the house was painfully slow; he wanted to go, yet he did not. He wanted to explain everything to the boy that had given his heart to him, and whom he'd destroyed. The muddy grass attacked his feet, pulling him down, trying to stop him from going as his mind had done for so very long now, but he would not give in.  
  
Had he given in when Tyson defeated him at the Japanese tournament or after Spencer defeated him? No, he carried on and became a stronger blader, a stronger man. And he had been there to keep him going. Always encouraging him on while the others taunted him, made him look like the sourpuss they so easily called him. Even he had called him that, but it never hurt when he said it, it was different. But his mind would not let it register.  
  
Since they had met, he could feel his barriers slowly falling around him, and he didn't like it. It was foreign and strangely comforting, like he was, but it was still unfamiliar and for that alone, he pushed his kitten away and kept his barriers up, he felt safe there, rules were held, pride and dignity was kept and intelligence was met. But aren't they all worthless unless you have someone to share them with.  
  
He had always been taught to believe that people needed no one, that to be with someone was to loose a piece of yourself and that was unacceptable. That's how he was taught, and that's what he tried to maintain. But through all his experiences with his kitten, he felt empty without that company and felt whole with them, surely it was better to feel whole then empty. Wasn't it?  
  
He entered the house and walked slowly to the bedroom where he knew his kitten would be. He slowly opened the door, not wanting to disturb his kitten if he was asleep or alarm him if he was awake. He walked in to see his kitten wrapped in a cocoon of mattresses, his hair lying everywhere, not cared for. He slowly and carefully sat down on the bed. His kitten didn't move, though he was not asleep, but ignoring him, an intruder on his space.  
  
He let his hand rest on his shoulder only to have it thrown back. It hurt to see his kitten reject him, after all he'd done to let his barriers down, he could feel them coming back up, forcing him into believing that this is wrong and that he should leave now and forget about his kitten. For it was wrong and he deserved more than he could give his kitten.  
  
But his heart was stronger than those thoughts. He wanted to hold his kitten, make him feel loved, make him feel wanted, to do anything for him that would make him feel better, he did not want to see him like this, he want the joy and beauty that he held as he bladed or just messed about with the others. He wanted to lie down with him now and hold him tight, and tell him how sorry he is and confess the love that has been sealed for so long.  
  
He remembered how he would help his kitten, care for his kitten. How his kitten would rest upon him as he stood before him, their bodies barely touching, but it is enough to loose him in the sensation, and wrap his arms around to cup his hands around his. He would whisper into his ear as he spoke words of wisdom, feeling him shiver under his voice, seeing the lust flooding his eyes. The ripcord would be pulled loose of the shooter and his blade would race round the dish, mimicking the excitement of his owner.  
  
The grunt that came from the back of his throat seemed to excite his kitten further, letting his mind wander over to thoughts of the nights they could spend together, wrapped in each others arms, exciting the other with touches and words.  
  
He watched as his kitten moved the sheets up over his face, and he saw the glint of tears before his face completely disappeared. He did want this anymore, he wanted to speak and tell him that he was here, but something held him back. fear, the fear of rejection, of being hurt after finally being able to open his wounded heart to his kitten. He could hear the muffled cries from his kitten, which only hurt him more. If he could do this to his kitten then was it worth accepting this love, for it would most likely cause more pain, and he did not want his kitten to suffer anymore. he didn't want to suffer anymore.  
  
He wanted his kitten to smile again, to laugh again. Only then would he feel content to show his feelings, for then he himself was at his happiest, just seeing his smile upon that beautiful face was enough for him to feel happy and alive, no matter what he showed on the outside.  
  
He remembered how his kitten would look at him with those precious golden depths, those depths that would tear away all those barriers his grandfather had put up many years ago. How his kitten would watch him as he ate, as he bladed, as he walked, as he slept. Though he noticed, it was disturbing, it was relaxing, and he had never felt so relaxed before, he wanted to feel it again.  
  
He remember how they used to have to share a room, he didn't mind, he wanted to share a room with his kitten, though at first it was most annoying, being that close to someone who could affect him so deeply. He remembered how sometimes they had to share a double bed, he loved being so close to his kitten, it felt at home. He remembered how he would pretend to be asleep then feel the heat around him increase as his kitten moved closer to him, then how his hand would run across his arms and chest; it took so much for him not to react or open his eyes to watch the lust rush through those eyes of his.  
  
He remembered how softly and gently his kitten would kiss him as he pretended to sleep. He wanted to react so much, just to keep feeling his soft lips against his, to feel the rush of passion shoot through his body. Was it wrong for him to take that kiss from him? How could it be when he had done the same so many times before. And if it was wrong then them deserved to go through this separation. But he was here now and that's all that mattered, he was here and he didn't want to leave  
  
He let his hand run through his hair, sighing at how old it felt compared to the way it would be when he ran his hands through it as he brushed his hair. Over and over he would comb it, even when it didn't need to be combed, he would carry on, just to enjoy the feel of his hair and to watch the way he would react to his fingers running across his scalp. He wanted to do it again, to see his reactions again.  
  
He stood from the bed and looked down on his love. He had done this to him, he had brought all the pain upon the one person he had loved, he couldn't take it. He stood there, watching his kitten, wanting him to look at him so he could make his decision easier. But he did not, he just lay there, ignoring him. But he deserved it, after his kitten had used so much strength to tell him those three words and he just stood there, just stood there. He was such a fool, but he was scared, this had never happened before, and now he had his most beloved person telling him.  
  
He wanted to reply, he wanted to confess his love, but he couldn't. It didn't feel right and he didn't know why, he knew he loved his kitten too, but the words wouldn't come out, he was uncertain, worried. That day he had turned down the one person he wanted to be with, and it was because of something s silly as one barrier that would not let his kitten in.  
  
A week past, a month past, and the tournaments past and it was time to leave and return home. He knew he was waiting for him to reply and give his love back, but he couldn't, he still couldn't, even when he got on the plane he couldn't. He wouldn't go to training sessions or go out with his old team, he didn't want to see his kitten when he still couldn't answer him.  
  
He wrote a small note and put it on the table next to the bed, it was all he could do with his kitten in this state. He walked over to the door and open it and left. Once out of the room, he leaned on the door and breathed deeply. After all this time, after all that happened, he was still hesitant, what was wrong with him? He loved his kitten, he wanted to be with his kitten, so what was holding him back.  
  
The only thing that was holding him back was rejection, he was afraid he wouldn't be able to live if he was rejected, having lost all this barriers for his kitten. But yet, his kitten had already confessed his love and he had just seen the state he was in from his own rejection, so why is he worrying. Gathering his strength he turned back to the door and opened it.  
  
He looked round to see his kitten standing before, eyes widened in shock and mouth open. He smiled at his kitten, for the first time in a long time. He stepped forward to his kitten who started to walk back. He was not going to stop now; he had waited so long for this, nothing was going to stop him. He continued to step back until his back hit the wall, but he still came closer and closer, until the breathes distance of their lips was sealed and they held their loving kiss in perfect bliss, arms wrapping around each other, keeping the other warm, safe and wanted.  
  
He was on fire, this kiss was unlike any he'd received from his kitten while he supposedly slept; it was alive and passionate, lips crushed on lips as they try to show their entire devotion to one another through such a simple act. Their separation was unbearable for him; he didn't want to let him go, not after all he'd gone through to get this far. They stay in each other's embrace as they enjoy the company of the other.  
  
"Why? Why did you take so long?"  
  
"I was afraid, I didn't know what to do. I was a fool."  
  
"I thought you hated me."  
  
"I don't hate you. I love you, Kitten."  
  
"Oh Kai, I love you too."  
There we go, Kai's POV, and that's it. I hoped you liked this and was able to see into the characters of Rei and Kai a bit better now. well, my perception of them anyway. Now I know it's a lot like the first chapter, but it is the same time space and I wanted it to seem as if they were one; that they were meant for each other - soulmates sorta thing -hope it worked  
  
Okay, review, tell me what you thought.  
  
Bye de bye 


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